thank you...

(sorry to be a post whore. but i have a lot of stuff to get out for now.)

"thank you drugs, we've appreciated everything"

I don't know what to write. What could I say that could let you see my world ? I fear that i've shifted a bit to the left permanently. I feed my head to hold back facing reality. When your mind works like mine, you can't concentrate. The thoughts never shut off. Listening to them can be maddening, and there are things that I can't explain: Feelings, sounds, Images and strange blends of all of these. I don't fear the normal things anymore, but instead the spiritual, metaphysical and philosophical unknowns that surround me. A shuddering fear of falling into nothing forever. When i open my mind, i spiral out of control, because the Leading has not been taken. I have feared the journey. The gates of heaven were shown but I turned my head and cried. Without full surrender to my creator. True enlightenment cannot be obtained.


Doubt. Fear. Loss. Realization. Surrender. Truth. Truth. Truth.....